I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
