You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
