You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i out mim tonsoeep
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