did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
