i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
