just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
