i think my tv is drunk
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm passing your future prison.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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