we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
