So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
