***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
