i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
