If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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