what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
