Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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