i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
