I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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