You don't have asthma, your pregnant
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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