Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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