just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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