I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
