Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
