i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
