I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
