i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
