How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
