I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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