dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
