Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
