if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
