So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
