Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
