All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
