I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
