we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
