There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
