had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
