woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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