sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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