Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
