Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
