I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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