so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
