it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
