I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
