my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
A+ Viking dick
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