She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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