one two three fourrrrnication!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
