dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
