the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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