hell yes lets make some ravioli
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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