My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
