I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
