you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you had me at cake vodka
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
