thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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