I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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