So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
