The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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