3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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