I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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