so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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