Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
