If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize