I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
