So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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