Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
