Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
