Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I could make wine with my vomit
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
