i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize