Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
